We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
