Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
