How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
