i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I will pee on everything he values.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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