Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize