and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize