I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
