you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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