We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
