"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
