I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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