He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
