Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
