I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
