For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
PS: I just woke up from my shower
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
