Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
