No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
