God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
