I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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