shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I won't apologize to a one balled man
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
A+ Viking dick
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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