i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
