i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
