Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
