I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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