my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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