I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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