he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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