On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
