Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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