I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
