You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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