i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
