On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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