four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
