Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
