How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
