Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
