I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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