we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
