I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
