I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
