You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
