Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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