Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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