I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
time to smoke my breakfast
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
