we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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