somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
