I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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