oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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