someone get that fucking seahorse.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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