You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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