its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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