Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
