i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize