I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
