Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you had me at cake vodka
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
NoShamevember. You game?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
