Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Randomize
