Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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