my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
