its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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