i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
