I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
