hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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