i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
