There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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