Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
