lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
