I want to have your abortion
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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