i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
